He loves me, He loves me not
by Laura-Jay
Summary: Dil finally tells Phil about the feelings he has for him. But does Phil feel the same? Even he doesn't know. (Contains slash and slight swearing)
1. Staurday Night: Dil

Smiling casually Phil rocked back on his chair. He had the most amazing brown eyes, and his brown hair was highlighted with a shade of red that blended in just right. His hair was spiked up into all directions and his skin was pale, but had a tone that made him stand out, to me anyway. He had a plain sense of style, nice shirts, usually with a logo or band name on them, with some jeans or plain trousers. He looked amazing, which was why at 16 it was a surprise to me that he had never had a girlfriend.

I leaned on the table, sucking up diet Soda from a Java Lava cup. My red hair lay messily around my head, it was no longer curly. It seemed over time it straightened itself out. My green eyes stared in wonder at my friend in front of me. I wore my usual clothes, rather similar to Phil's style. I wasn't as originality-mad as I used to be. But I did customise everything, like my jeans and my jackets. At 15 I'd never had a girlfriend either, but that was because of a totally different reason.

Phil and I had become lot closer friends over the past few years. We both still have a love for all things gross and a love for rock music too. We still hang out with all our others friends though, in fact that's what we were doing sitting at the Java Lava.

Chuckie was already here, at 17 he still works for his dad. His hair has gotten shorter but still quite messy. His glasses cover his brown eyes. He still wears plain button shirts, long sleeves. He went through this horrible depression stage last year; the sleeves cover the cuts they left. He became pretty quiet again. Hiding himself away from us. He's very obedient to his Dad, which is why he still works here.

Lil was also here, talking to Chuckie at the counter. She turned really pretty; I don't look at girls like that though. She still looks like Phil (explains why she's pretty), she has her brown hair lying loosely on her shoulders. Her brown eyes were like Phil's, but not so beautiful. She had become a lot more stylish, wearing designer gear from expensive shops. She was going out with Chuckie at the moment, they have been on and off going out over the past 6 years now.

Tommy's not around anymore, since what happened a few years back he's been living at military school. I sometimes go to see him, without Phil knowing, he would hate it if he knew. Tommy was the reason that Phil almost died back when he was 11. But we're trying to put that behind us now.

Kimi's just got here, showing of her new outfit to Phil. I think Kimi fancies him too. She always flirts with him, but he's too dumb to notice. Kimi grew her black hair long, which she ties into a long plait each morning. She usually wears clothes that are Japanese, or have something to do with Japan on them. She's been dating a few guys from our school over the past few years, but no one seriously. Right now she's single and she doesn't work here at the Java Lava anymore, she said she spends too much time there as it is.

Angelica and Suzie have started hanging around with us more again; they're both 18 and have just turned up. Angelica just got a nose job; she thinks it's the best thing ever. It's okay, but I'm against plastic surgery unless it makes people's lives seriously better. Angelica didn't need it she's pretty anyway. She's a lot nicer to us than she used to be as well. She puts brown highlights in her blonde hair now, and tries everyway to make herself look beautiful.

Suzie's the opposite. She buys her clothes from thrift shops and charity stores. She wears a little make-up but never goes over the top with it. Her head is covered with hair extensions, which look amazing when it's complete. Suzie and Angelica are best friends now, they became really close after Angelica's old friends started to bully her. I know what that's like it's never nice. Angelica's becoming more like Suzie now, she's a lot more polite now anyway.

So here we all were, sitting at the Java Lava. Chuckie had just finished his shift and we were all getting ready to go out.

"So we're going bowling now?" Phil made clear. With so many people with different personalities bowling is the only thing we can agree on these days.

"Yep, but don't worry, I'll go easy on you," Lil said laughing at her brother.

"Nah, It's Dil you got to look out for," Phil said, "He's a master now." I didn't think I was amazing, but Phil sure seemed to think so.

"Little Dil can't even lift the heavy balls," Angelica laughed.

"Ah but I have… the secret weapon!" I said, pulling some karate style movements.

"Yeah well we can beat you guys easy!" Lil said.

"No way," Phil argued.

"Want to bet on that Deville?" Angelica asked.

"Sure, $5 says Dil and I can beat you and Lil," Phil said.

"Guys, should we really be betting? It'll ruin the game," Suzie said.

"$5? Make it 10 and we're on," Angelica said ignoring Suzie.

"What about us then?" Chuckie asked.

"Chuck, want to be on our team?" Lil asked her boyfriend.

"Hey!" Angelica said to her partner.

"I'll be on your team then," Kimi said to Phil.

"What about Suzie?" I asked.

"Don't worry Dil I'm sitting out of this," Suzie said. Just then the bus stopped in front of us and we all jumped on.

"Strike!" Phil screamed, "Alright! I knew you'd win it for us!" He jumped in the air and high fived me.

"It's not over yet, Philip, don't get too excited," Lil said miserably.

"You guys can't come back from that score!" Kimi said pointing at the screen.

"It's Chuckie's fault," Angelica said to Lil.

"Lillian! You're up!" Phil sang.

"Yeah yeah," Lil said getting up for her teams last bowl.

"8? Is that all?" Phil teased.

"Would you quit it Philip it's not funny anymore!" Lil screamed in his face, then sitting back down.

"That was harsh," a depressed sounding Angelica said, "Here's the money," she dug into her pocket pulling out $10 and placing it in Phil's hands, I was almost surprised she actually stuck to her word.

"Thanks," I said, "You guys want to eat now?"

"We already ate before we came," Suzie said, talking for Angelica too.

"We've eaten," said Chuckie, including Lil.

"I ate earlier too," Kimi said grabbing her bags.

"You and me then?" Phil said to me.

"Cool, knew there had to be a reason for this money!" I smiled. Everyone got their stuff together and left we walked out with them but got a bite to eat in the burger bar next to the bowling alley.

"Lil seemed pretty upset didn't she," I said biting into my burger.

"Yeah, she's probably got something on her mind," he said. As he spoke I watched him. I looked back at my food quickly, remembering what Suzie had told me.

"Dil, you're so obvious! Everyone can see it! Well except Phil of course." Apparently everyone can see I like Phil a lot more than a usual friend. That's what made me tell Phil, that I was gay, just in case he noticed or someone said something. I didn't tell him I fancied him though. He asked, I denied it.

"What's up?" Phil asked, probably noticing me not looking at him.

"Err nothing." I muttered.

"You're being quiet again," he told me.

"Nah I'm not," I said acting my usual self.

"What's the time?" Phil asked trying to look at my watch. He took my arm and pulled it round, "9:15? It's gotten late quickly," I took my arm back and rubbed it a little. I always felt nervous when Phil touched me.

"Yeah, you can see it's dark out," I said looking out the window.

"I guess we'd better head home after this," Phil took one last bite of his burger, "I hope I don't have to be home quickly."

"It's raining!" I said just before we left.

"Run to the bus stop then! It's just down there!" Phil replied we started running through the empty street holding our jackets over our heads. We got to the bus stop and sat down under the shelter. I stood up again and checked the times.

"10 minutes! We must have just missed one," I said returning to my seat.

"You can never trust those things anyway, one will be along in a minute," Phil said. There was a long pause. I couldn't help but look at Phil. He smiled back. He had some drops of rain running down his face. He kept smiling. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I knew what I was thinking. I couldn't help it I loved him so much.

Suddenly, I lost control of myself. I never thought I'd do it, but I did. I kissed him, but the surprising thing was, he kissed me back. It felt great, until he pulled away. His expression was sheer horror. I could see in his eyes.

"What are you doing to me?" he said shaking. He looked away; he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He said nothing more we sat in silence again.

"Phil, I…I didn't mean to…" I tried to explain.

Phil just shook his head, "Don't speak to me now Dil," he said in an ashamed tone. We waited for the bus. I couldn't bear to look at him. He seemed in quite a state; his face was red and he was shaking. We sat on the bus, on the same seat. We still hadn't looked each other in the eye. Why was I so stupid? The bus stopped at the corner of our road and we both got off.

"I'll see you later?" I said in a questionable voice.

"What are you trying to do to me?" He said in a more aggressive tone. He had his hand on my shoulder and was right up in my face.

"I don't know," I muttered, "I just thought…"

"I'm not gay," he said in a cocky voice, "What? What would even make you think that?"

I looked at his eyes, and then I looked at his hand that rest on my shoulder. He immediately took it away and took a step back.

"Look, it's getting late, I'll talk to you tomorrow," he said walking away, "And you'd better not tell anyone about _that_," he yelled.

I didn't tell anyone of course but it was on my mind. I spent the rest of the evening alone in my room. As I slept I dreamed of him, but not a usual nice dream. He was aggressive and angry, not how I'd ever seen him. But then, behind this closed door, he was crying. It felt is as seeing into his life. I knew he didn't mean to be aggressive. I knew it was my fault Phil felt so bad. I woke up a lot earlier than usual. I was so glad it wasn't a school day. I sat up from then on thinking of ways I can sort out Phil's problem. But I didn't know what the problem really was. I needed to speak to him so badly. If only I could understand what he was thinking.


	2. Sunday Morning: Phil

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was totally confused about myself. On the outside I looked the same. Brown hair, brown eyes, black shirt, dark jeans. On the inside I felt like someone had taken the old me away and replaced it with something I couldn't understand. I tried to think about what I felt, I'd never thought so hard. But I'm a guy; I don't usually have emotions like these.

I looked up at the clock on my bedroom wall it was 7.00a.m. I'd usually be asleep right now, but I couldn't be. I barely slept a wink last night I had too much on my mind. My mobile was on my pillow, where my head should be. I picked it up and tapped my finger on the buttons. 'Dil Mobile' the name above the number read. I clicked the button and it started calling. I sat on my bed with the phone ringing.

Dil was often awake early. He had to be today.

"Hello?" Dil's voice rang in my ear.

"Hey," I said calmly. There was a long silence. I guess he had no idea what to say to me after last night. I broke the silence.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I said.

"You had every right to," he replied.

"No, I was way out of line," I said.

"So how you feeling?" Dil asked.

"A little confused to be honest Dil," I answered. Again there was silence.

"I am really sorry about last night," Dil repeated. I didn't know what to say, "We're still friends, right?"

"Oh course," I said immediately. I didn't hate Dil for what he did. It made me think a lot harder though. I started thinking differently about him, which was making me wonder.

"Want to meet up today?" I asked more cheerful.

"Really?" he said surprised, "Sure, where do you want to go?"

"Ray's café?" I suggested.

"Err…okay?" he said a little startled. I guess that was because we didn't go there much. That's why I wanted to go there though, I didn't want to see Chuckie or Angelica or any of the gang.

"Great," I said, "Meet at about 11?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then," he said. I ended the convocation and put the phone back down by my side. I sighed loudly and looked at myself in the mirror again.

"I'm not gay?" I said to myself. I looked hard at the mirror, "I'm not gay."

I went to Ray's café early. It was 20 minutes to 11. I sat down with sandwich and tried to think. I must have been thinking hard because soon enough my sandwich was gone and Dil was standing at the table next to me.

"Dil? Err… sit down," I said looking at the clock on the wall. He sat down opposite me and I had no choice but to look at him. My stomach flipped. I'd never noticed him so much. He tried to force a smile. I knew it was my fault he wasn't feeling too good. I smiled back at him. It was awkward; I guess neither of us knew what to say.

"Why aren't we at the Java Lava?" Dil asked.

"I think, well someone might notice something was up," I said. Dil nodded.

"Want me to get you something?" he asked pointing at the counter.

"No thanks, I've just had a sandwich," I replied. He went up and bought himself a bottle of water. It was a relief when he got up. I have this strange feeling when I was looking straight at him. He came back and sat down. He was sipping his drink and I was playing with the wrapper that my sandwich was in.

"Do you fancy me then?" I asked quietly, so no one would hear.

Dil put his drink down and tied the lid on. Then he nodded. I sat back in my chair. Things had gotten far more confusing.

"It doesn't have to get in the way of our friendship though, I've had to deal with it so far," he said.

"For how long?" I asked, not thinking of how long he'd liked me before, "After you told me? Because I asked you then if you fancied me."

"Since I was 9," he said. I was gob smacked.

"You, you can't have," I said.

"When you asked before I…I chickened out of saying anything, plus you seemed to take it more as a joke," he explained.

"I'm sorry," I said, understanding him better. He shrugged.

"You weren't the only one to laugh."

"I wasn't laughing at you," I protested. He stared at me in disbelief.

"It doesn't matter anyway," he said. We sat in silence again; I guess we were both thinking. I kept looking up from the empty sandwich wrapper and looked at his beautiful face. Dil was the best friend I ever had, did I love him too?

"Look, this is stupid," Dil began to say, "If you don't even want to be seen out with me because of _it_ then perhaps you're not even the friend I thought you were," he stood up, "Perhaps I don't love you, so just leave me alone," he whispered in my ear so no onlookers would understand. Then he turned and headed for the door, I was sure he was in tears. I followed him of course. He ran through the half empty streets but I didn't stop him until he ran into the alley.

"Dil stop, please," I said grabbing his shoulder. He pulled his shoulder away,

"You don't want me thinking you're gay would you," he yelled. I stood frozen.

"But what if I do?" I said aloud. I wasn't sure if I should have said it at the time, but it stopped him. He turned back and looked at me.

"What are you saying?" he asked puzzled. I looked at him and smiled,

"I think I like you, a lot," I put openly.

"You kidding me?" Dil asked smiling. I shook my head.

"I don't think so," I replied. He ran back to me, put his arms around me, he hugged me and I hugged him back. I felt happy, even happier because I knew Dil was happy. We stood in the alley for a few minutes, still with our arms around each other.

"So, now what?" I asked lightly.

"I have no idea," Dil replied, looking back into my eyes.

"Should we tell the others?" I asked him, "It'll be a bit of a shock, don't you think?"

"They know I like you," Dil said. "Apparently it was obvious."

"I never noticed," I replied.

"I think you have now," he smiled.

"Yeah," I laughed, "Yeah I have."

Dil pulled out of my hug but took hold of my hand.

"To the Java Lava?" he asked.

"Yeah, let's go see the gang," I said.


	3. Sunday Afternoon: Lil

I sat at the counter at the Java Lava; my boyfriend Chuckie standing behind it serving some kids their drinks. It was Sunday and I had nothing else to do but hang around with Chuckie. I turned and looked at one of our usual tables. Angelica, Suzie and Kimi were all sitting there. The place is usually dead on a Sunday morning except for us lot, it was great to have a place like this to ourselves maybe not for the business but it felt more relaxing. I couldn't help but feel great today. There was nothing wrong with my life. I had the best group of friends, I have a great boyfriend and for once my brother hasn't been annoying me!

"Err sorry Chuckie what were you saying?" I asked as I came back to reality.

"I was saying where's Phil this morning?" he's usually around here on a Sunday.

"I don't know where he is, he left the house at about half 10 this morning but I never saw him," I explained.

"So what have you got planned for today?" Chuckie asked as he dried one of the trays.

"Just sitting around here and making your shift more worth while," I grinned at him. He smiled back with his perfect teeth.

Suddenly his smile dropped as he looked at the door.

"What's the matter?" I asked. He was still looking at the doorway so I turned and looked as well. My twin brother Phil had just walked in, noticeably holding hands with his best friend Dil.

"Hey guys," Dil beamed.

I looked across at Kimi who was looking back at me.

"Deville?" Angelica said in disbelief.

"Hey everyone, sorry we haven't been here, we had some things to talk about," Phil explained.

"I think we can see that Philip," I said getting of the stool and pulling my brother to one side.

"What's going on!" I whispered.

"I'm going out with Dil now," Phil said bluntly. I turned and looked at his 'boyfriend'. He was chatting to the others like nothing was up.

"Are you…are you gay?" I asked. He looked past me, staring at Dil then nodded.

"I think so," he said smiling. I backed away from him. Phil was never gay before. This wasn't my brother.

"Lil? Lil it's okay," Phil tried to comfort me, but it wouldn't work. I went back to the counter and sat on a stool. I watched as my brother and his boyfriend chatted to the rest of the gang. Most were as shocked as I was. Angelica and Kimi both looked in disbelief but Chuckie and Suzie were congratulating them.

Kimi finally came over to see me.

"Did you know?" she asked. I shook my head.

"I never thought he would…" I couldn't finish my sentence.

"I guess I'll have to look at other guys," Kimi said disappointed. I knew she fancied my brother. I'd been dropping him hints for months. She must have been devastated.

"Why wouldn't Phil tell me something like that?" I asked her. She shrugged.

"Maybe he's been really confused about it," Kimi said. Suddenly the door opened and we watched Angelica walking out.

"Bye Angelica!" Kimi cried and Angelica pulled a smile at us, then she ran off.

"Where's she going?" I asked.

"I don't know," Kimi replied. I buried my head under my hands, "It won't change anything Lil," Kimi comforted me.

"It will, I know it will."

Kimi went back to the table and put on a smile for the gang.

We sat at the dinner table, Phil was opposite me and mum was by our side. Dad was bringing us the plates full of food. I hadn't said anything since getting home. Mum kept making convocation but I either nodded or shook my head, or said the odd word.

"Lillian what is up with you today?" Dad asked bringing his plate and sitting down.

I stared across at Phil. He looked down at his food immediately.

"You told them yet?" I asked him. He looked up at me and gave me the 'shut up' signal. But Phil was getting on my nerves too much for that to end it.

"Phil has a little secret don't you," I said eating some potatoes.

"No I don't," he said quietly.

"Aww Phil, you've been happy all day until now, what's going on?" Dad asked.

"You got yourself a girlfriend?" Mum asked. Phil looked up instantly and stared at me.

"You're on the right lines mum," I said stirring it up.

"It's nothing mum," Phil said stuffing his mouth with peas.

"You can tell us Philly," Mum said prodding for an answer. Phil ignored it and carried on eating.

"Well if you don't want to tell us," Dad said and Phil sneaked a smile at me. I couldn't take it.

"Phil's gay," I said bluntly. Dad looked at me gob smacked, dropping his spoon onto the floor.

"Lillian, just because you and Phil are arguing gives you no excuse to say things about him," Mum agued.

"But it's true!" I said.

"Philip?" Dad said turning to him. Phil was looking red in the face and shaky. He was trying to say something, but it didn't quite come out. I took a large bite out of the sausage and ate it satisfyingly.

"Aww Philly, it's okay, it's okay," Mum got up and hugged him.

"So it's true son?" Dad asked him and Phil tried to give a nod.

"I think so Dad," he said. I was shocked, they weren't screaming at him.

"You don't care?" I asked standing up.

"It's a part of life Lillian, get over it," Mum said hugging him tightly.

"Favourite child," I said staring at Phil then running upstairs. On my way I grabbed the phone and began to call Chuckie.

"Chuckie, Chuckie." I cried down the phone.

"Lil what's up what's the matter?" Chuckie asked.

"They don't care, my parents don't care, they think it's great," I said crying into my pillow. There was a knock at the door.

"Get lost," I yelled, I didn't care which one of them it was.

"Lil, please talk to me," Phil said.

"I'm talking to Chuckie right now, so go away," I screamed.

"Lil why is this a big deal to you?" he asked.

"I'll call you later Chuckie," I said down the phone then clicking the button. I lay on the bed face up, my pillow covering my face.

"Lil?" Phil asked. I heard the door open so I took the pillow of my head and sat up.

"Come in then," I said as he stood in the doorway. He shut the door behind him and sat on my bed next to me.

"Lil, I'm really sorry," Phil said.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked.

"I would have, Lil, but believe me I was the last person to see this coming," Phil said.

"You really love him?" I asked. Phil thought before he spoke.

"Yeah, I think I do," he said. I started crying, but he did too, he hugged me.

"Why does this matter to you so much?" he asked me.

"I don't know, maybe it's because you're turning into this person I don't know anymore," I replied.

"I'm still Phil," he said.

"Yeah, yeah you are still Phil, still blind to everything around you," I muttered.

"What? What do you mean?" Phil asked hearing what I'd said.

"Nothing," I lied, "I pleased for you."

He pulled away from my side, "Good, I'll bring you're dinner up here if you like," Phil said on his way out.

"Okay, that would be great thanks." I replied. Once he'd left the room I looked at the photo I had lying on my bedside table. It was me and Chuckie and Phil and Kimi. I sighed. ' I guess we'll never be that one big happy family'.


	4. Monday Morning: Kimi

Maths. Worst lesson of the week. It has to be first thing Monday morning doesn't it. It's a doss though, our teacher lets up do whatever. So much for learning. Lil watched on as I crossed out Phil Deville's name from the cover of my Maths book. I'd written it so many times.

"Pass the tip ex," I said to Lil who handed me the small tub of liquid. I splashed it all over the cover, turning it almost completely white. 'Jason 4ever' I wrote on top.

"Jason?" Lil asked. I pointed to the boy at the front of the class, "Yeah, he's a sweetie."

"How long do you think you're brother's known about it?" I asked Lil.

"He's says only since Dil, well, told him," Lil explained.

"Why did you take Phil's name of your Maths book, Kimi?" Diane asked as she came into the lesson late.

"Err… I don't like him anymore," I said.

"Oh, Jason?" she read my writing, "But you've liked Phil for ages, though I don't know why."

"She knows," Lil said to Diane. The two had never got on well ever since an incident a few years back.

"You can't just stop like that," Diane said giving Lil a dirty look.

"He doesn't like me," I lied. Well that was the truth really but I lied about asking him out.

"What! That boys doesn't know when he's got something good," Diane, said angrily.

"It doesn't matter, Jason seems to like you back anyway," Lil said looking at the blonde boy.

"Yeah," I replied with a halfhearted smile. Phil had always ignored me in _that_ way, why did I ever think he'd like me. It was obvious when you think about it. He and Dil spend way too much time together as it was.

"Hey, given up on Deville?" Z asked turning back from his seat.

"Yep," I replied, everyone would know soon enough.

"Maybe I should take you out this Friday?" Z offered I smiled.

"Yeah, that'd be great,"

"No! Don't give up on Phil yet, I'll talk to him," Diane interrupted.

"No, I've already made a fool of myself," I persuaded. I looked at Z; I never realized he might really like me.

"Philip's going out with someone anyway," Lil, said to Diane.

"What? With who?" Diane asked.

"Some person," Lil trailed off.

The bell rang to show the end of the lesson.

"Already?" I said checking my watch.

"I'll find that twin of yours," Diane said to Lil, "And I'll find out what's up,"

"No, you can't!" Lil said trying to catch up with her, but all her stuff was over the table and Diane was half way out the door. I picked up my book and ran after her myself.

"What's up with Lil? It's like she doesn't mind you getting blown of by her twin," Diane said when I caught up.

"Look, it's not as simple as it sounds," I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen.

"Look there he is," Diane said pointing through the crowds towards Dil's locker, " he's with that Dil Pickles kid," She had already ran off towards them when Lil was trying to catch up.

"Hey Phil what's your problem?" Diane said as soon as she reached them. Lil and I ran up after her but Phil had no idea what she was talking about.

"What, what do you mean?" he said sounding worried. He gave me and Lil a look and we shook our heads and he looked more relieved.

"About turning Kimi down," Diane said. That took Phil by surprise by the expression on his face. I slammed my head into my hands but I could hear Dil laughing.

"What are you laughing at pipsqueak?" Diane said. But Phil interrupted before Dil could answer.

"Kimi's just not my type," he said laughing. Lil and I were kind of laughing about it too. Not so much Phil not liking me but how much Diane was getting worked up.

"You're a freak Deville, No guy would turn Kimi down, you've got to be _gay_ or something," Diane said, but Phil's face dropped. Dil was still laughing, and nudging Phil to laugh it of. But I guess it really got to him.

"Did I stuck a nerve there, Deville?" she asked grinning. She looked at Dil, who everyone knew was gay and everyone had a bit of a laugh at. "Hanging out with gay boy's made you realize, know wait," she said looking like she was thinking, "You two make a cute couple!" she laughed.

"Shut up Diane, leave him alone," Lil said protecting her brother, but it was too late. Diane had already started a 'Gay boy' chant. I looked around and everyone had joined in. Phil was turning bright red and he didn't last a minute before running out the door to the playground. Dil tried to run after him but a couple of the guys had started pushing him around whist chanting.

"That sorted that gay boy out!" Diane said to me laughing. I gave her a dirty look then began to follow Phil. Lil was following me.

"What's up with you Kimi, you used to cool," Diane yelled through the corridor but I followed Lil's advise to ignore it. As we reached the door the bell rang, we paused.

"Phil's more important," Lil said pushing the door open.

Phil was sitting on the step, he was deffinatly crying. But another girl was already comforting him.

"Ignore them, they'll forget about it in a few days, believe me I know how those girls work," Angelica said to him. Then she turned and saw us and waved us over.

"I can't believe I'm crying," Phil said as we sat on the steps with him.

"It's alright, we don't mind," I said patting his knee.

"Why did they start all that?" Phil asked himself. I looked at Lil.

"They just wanted something to talk about," Lil said avoiding the point.

"Where…where's Dil?" Phil asked looking around. I gulped; we'd just left him. But as he said it the door opened again and Phil turned around.

"Pickles, Finster, Deville…s," Mrs. Grouser said, "Why aren't you in lessons,"

We all stood up and turned around to face her.

"Oh, Phil, what's the matter why are you crying?" she asked with still her grumpy voice.

"Phil's been having some trouble with some of the people in our year," I said on his behalf.

"Those same kids who were pushing Dil Pickles around just now?" Mrs. Grouser asked and I nodded. Phil looked at us with concern but we couldn't say anything right there.

"Right, Phil you want to come to my office and I'll sort these kids out," Mrs. Grouser said, "You girls back to your lessons." Lil and I looked at Phil then went in, Angelica followed behind us.

"Some people can be right bitches," Angelica said as we walked down the corridor.

"I know, I don't get it," I said. Angelica stopped and was looking back at the door where Phil and Mrs. Grouser were just walking in.

"Angelica?" Lil said waving her hand in front of her face. Angelica came back to reality.

"Oh, sorry guys, was thinking," she said.

"Better start thinking about Science, we've already missed 10 minutes!" I said to Lil and we ran off. I couldn't help but look back and take notice that Angelica had stopped in the corridor again and was staring at Phil.


	5. Monday Afternoon: Suzie

Where was Angelica? 15 minutes into the lesson and she still wasn't here. She wasn't usually late for lessons anymore and it had to be this one. I looked around at all the other desks. All the other pairs were chatting, probably not about the geography project. I was alone, like a right idiot.

"Suzie, are you okay there?" Mr. Smith asked looking over at my work.

"Yes, yes I'm okay," I smiled trying to cover the blank pages.

"Okay," he said then walked off.

I looked at my watch again, where was she? I heard the door open and my head shot up. It _was_ Angelica.

"Finally! Girl where _have _you been?" I asked her after she had spoken to Mr. Smith.

"Was with Phil, some kids were picking on him," she said sitting down getting her breath back, "They know."

"What! Was he okay about it?" I asked.

"Not really, he was crying a bit, apparently Dil was getting pushed around too," Angelica said.

"Aww, people can be so mean," I said, I looked back at Angelica then realized she wasn't listening, "Angelica?" I waved my hand in front of her face, "Woo! Back to Earth!"

"Huh? Oh sorry Suzie," she said taking a look at the empty sheet of paper.

"What's the matter with you, you've been all over the place today?" I asked her.

"Nothing," she said in an unbelievable tone, "Something's been on my mind, that's all."

"Something? More like someone!" I said getting in her face.

"No," she remarked, but that was an obvious yes.

"Spill it girl, I need to know!" I said.

"I can't tell you," she said.

"That's a first!"

She didn't reply.

"Okay, I'll write down some names and you answer some questions," I said taking the piece of paper and a pen from the table. "How long have we known him?" I asked, "It is a him right? With everything going on it'd be,"

"It's a him," she interrupted, "Since we were little, about 2 or 3 I guess,"

"Okay," I wrote down the names that sprung to mind in a list 'Chuckie, Phil, Dil, Harold, Timmy, Teddy, Terry, Todd, Ty, Dean, Edwin.' She scanned through the list.

"Dil?" she said alarmed.

"Oh right sorry," I said scribbling his name out, remembering they're cousins, "Okay, has he got red hair? Like right now?"

"Red, no," she replied and I crossed out Chuckie, Harold and Todd.

"Related to me?" I asked.

"No," she said sounding grossed out. I crossed Edwin's name out.

"Is he a McNulty?" I asked.

"No way," she responded and I crossed out Timmy, Terry, Teddy and Ty.

"Oooh, is he older?" I questioned looking at Dean's name. Angelica's head hovered over the sheet of paper. She sighed.

"No," she said.

"Huh? But…but that just leaves Phil?" I said and she looked at me worryingly, "I must have left a name out…There's something weird going on in that head of yours, you can't like Phil."

"Sh. Keep that to yourself would you," she whispered.

"This is so wrong, does anyone else know?" I asked.

"No, and as my best friend it's your duty not to say anything," she said, and as she did I noticed she was scribing a P into the sheet of paper.

"Look, this…this will pass alright," I said a little worried, she wasn't usually like this over a guy; She would usually go on and on about them, not be silent. I was seriously hoping that the gay thing was the attraction and not Phil in general.

"Ladies," Mr. Smith said from behind, "I need to see some work going on,"

"Yes sir starting to write right now," I answered for us.

"That's good, okay," he said walking away.

"So which page?" I asked Angelica opening the textbook.

"Huh? What?"

"Hey Phil!" I called out, following my younger friend. He turned and waited.

"Hey Suzie,"

"So what happened today? Or don't you want to talk about it?" I asked as we headed towards the bus.

"It was just some people from my year, did the girls tell you about it?" he asked.

"Yeah, Angelica said you were pretty upset," I said.

"I didn't think people would find out so soon," Phil said stepping up onto the bus. I followed him up and was disgusted by the sudden applause and the 'Not another Gay boy' chant. He gulped and took his seat next to Lil and collapsed onto her shoulder. I sat down behind them, next to Dil.

"He can't handle this," Dil said.

"This is awful, if only I had the guts to say something," I said, as I did Angelica got on the bus, startled by the chants. She sat down behind Dil and I, but couldn't sit still for long before she bounced up and headed for the back seats.

"Would you quit that!" she yelled in Savannah's face. (Who had become good friends with the bitchy Diane over the past few weeks).

"What's this Saint Angelica? What are you going to do?" Savannah asked, getting the attention from the whole bus now that the chanting had stopped.

"I could slap you one hard slap if I was as big a bitch as you are," Angelica said, raging. I couldn't sit and watch her start a fight though; I'd gotten up and pulled Angelica away.

"Don't go pulling attention to yourself Angelica," I said in her ear.

"It was annoying me," she said rather convincingly.

"Yeah, but you've sorted it out, just sit," I said pushing her into where I'd been sat.

"Err, thanks Angelica," Phil said wiping away a tear, "I never thought I'd say that," he smiled.

"Those girls are going to get what they deserve one day," Angelica promised.


	6. Monday Evening: Angelica

"Dam," I said aloud as my books fell out my locker onto the floor. I bent down to pick them up.

"Hey Angelica!" I heard the soft sound of Phil's voice call, I stood up and he was walking towards me, "Need some help?" he said bending down and picking up the books.

"Thanks," I said as I picked up my Chemistry textbook.

"I thought I'd better be nice to you now," he joked. I smiled. Why did I Phil so much? I'd noticed this feeling growing for a few weeks now, but since he started dating my cousin I've really felt jealous.

"So how are things with you and my cousin?" I asked, making convocation whilst being nosy.

"Great, yeah, you seeing anyone?" he questioned.

"Nah," I replied casually.

"That's a shame."

I wanted to ask him, right then. I wanted to know if he really loved Dil. I knew he couldn't, he's just 16. And he's a guy. I wanted to tell him how stupid he sounded and how the novelty _will_ fade. But I couldn't. He was smiling so much, he looked so happy. I wasn't going to be the one to ruin that feeling.

"Hey, Angelica Pickles," the bratty little girl coming up behind Phil, said, "I'd say look at your little boyfriend but then this guy gets the same bus as you do, If you get my drift,"

"Shut up Diane," Phil said.

"Oh look girls, the gay can stand up for himself," Diane said laughing with a small group of girls.

"I can't believe my sister was ever friends with you," Phil said.

"Neither can we," Diane said smiling.

"Get out of here little girl, go play with your dolly," I said irritated, then slamming my locker. The girls giggled and left, looking for another poor victim.

"I'd better be getting to Drama, Miss Peachy likes us to be there early," Phil said heading off.

"I'll catch you later," I grinned until he turned away, when my face dropped. Angelica, why are you making life harder for yourself?

"Hey Angelica" Kimi said as I walked up to her and Suzie.

"Hey guys, what's this," I said looking at the poster.

"It's the Valentines Day Dance, this Thursday," Suzie explained.

"Valentines day already?" I said.

"You going Kimi?" Suzie asked.

"Yeah, Z asked last lesson!" Kimi said excitedly.

"That's cool," I said, "How about you Suzie?"

"Err yeah someone asked," she said.

"What! Why didn't you tell me! Who is it?" Kimi asked desperately.

"Timmy," she said nervously. I think she was worried about what I'd say. I used to like him, but that was a whole long time ago.

"Man, that's so cool!" Kimi said.

"Nice one, I hope you guys have fun," I said.

"You going Angelica?" Kimi asked.

"Nope," I said bluntly.

"Not got a date?" Kimi asked. I shock my head. I didn't tell them I'd been asked, and that I just didn't want to stand in a room full of overexcited teenagers.

"It'll probably be a drag anyway," Kimi said trying to cheer me up.

"Hey guys," Lil said joining us, "You guys going?" she asked pointing at the poster.

Suzie and Kimi said yes and I said no.

"You think Phil and Dil will go?" Kimi asked. That's what I was worried about, deep down. Seeing Phil and Dil together.

"You think they can take the bullies?" Lil asked.

"He did an all right job this morning in the corridor," I said.

"Huh? What happened?" Lil asked.

"It wasn't a big deal, they were just pestering us," I said, shacking the whole thing off.

"You think they'll last together?" Kimi asked.

"I don't know, I get a feeling it won't," Suzie said.

"Hey guys!" Dil said walking up behind me.

"Hey Dil, how's it going!" Kimi said.

"Great!" he replied.

"You going to this?" I asked pointing at the poster. He took a look.

"I'd better ask Phil," he said. "I haven't really thought about it."

I wish they wouldn't. But I wish they would too. I was scowling at Dil in the corridor right then and didn't even realize.

"Are you okay Angelica?" Dil asked, noticing the weird expression on my face.

"Err, yeah, I'm good thanks," I said.

"Okay then," he replied, "I'd better be off to band practise, see ya!" he turned and left the circle.

"Yeah, us too," Suzie said, "We have languages now," I never understood why anyone would want to spend extra time at school, but I never made it a problem for them.

"Wow, I was supposed to be at Soccer!" Lil said checking her watch.

"Oh yeah, it's Tuesday, on your own day," I smiled as I headed for the bus outside school.

As I walked through the door I noticed Phil waiting for someone at the steps.

"Hey Deville, who you waiting for?" I asked.

"Dil,"

"You've got a while to wait," I laughed, "He has band practise on a Tuesday," I told him.

"God, It's Tuesday!" he said slapping his forehead.

"We better get the bus before it leaves," I said putting my hand on his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" he asked looking at my hand. He started shaking he was looking rather red.

"Phil? Are you alright?" I asked. He was breathing deeply and I thought it must have been best to take my hand away. He was staring at me in a weird way like he wasn't thinking straight. I waved my hand in front of his face.

"Philip?" I taunted. He blinked and shook his head.

"Wow, sorry, err Angelica," he said looking at the ground.

"Okay then, want to get the bus?" I asked.

"Ye…Yeah, yeah I need to get home," he said.

"So you guys going to the Valentines Day Dance?" I questioned.

"Are you?" he asked.

"Nah," I said.

"I guess not, I haven't spoken to anyone about it really," he said. I didn't have to guts to ask why he didn't say 'Dil' rather than 'anyone'. It must have been a genuine mistake.


	7. Tuesday Morning: Dil

I waved Phil goodbye and walked into first period. It was English and as usual I sat alone at a desk at the front. I waited for the rest of the class to pour in, then to see Mrs. Rayner stumble in late again. I felt a sharp prod in my back so turned around.

"Hey gay boy," Paul whispered sitting back in his chair, "You going to the Dance with that other gay boy?"

I gave him the evils before turning around again. I felt another prod in my back.

"Gay boy why won't you answer me?" he asked.

Truth was I didn't know what to say, and it was obvious he would have a laugh at me whatever I said.

"Okay children settle down," Mrs Rayner said. Paul stopped prodding me and paid attention.

"We're starting to get you kids ready for your exams," she said, "So today we're going to write a letter of persuasive writing."

She picked up the books and placed one on every desk.

"Turn to page 18," she said holding up a book, "And pick either of the two topics, Steven read them out to the class would you?" she asked the 'teachers pet' before taking a rest in her chair. Steven cleared his throat as he stood up.

"A) Write a letter to the head teacher persuading him to install computers at your school," Steven read aloud.

"Miss we've already got computers!" Mitchell called out.

"Yes Mitchell, it's a bit out of date," Miss Rayner said holding her head.

"Or B) Write a letter to a confused relative persuading them not to leave home," Steven said before sitting down.

"Miss can the confused relative be gay?" Paul asked then prodding me in the back. I turned to see the whole class giggling and pointing at me.

"Just get on with it Paul," she said, "I'll be in the staff room if anyone needs me," she got up and left. I looked down and the book and tried to get on with the work, unlike the rest of the class.

"Hey Dil, you going to the dance then?" Paul asked aloud. I replied with a shrug.

"He'll be going with that other gay boy at school won't he," laughed Mitchell. I turned and everyone was laughing.

"I hope not!" Rachel said, "You'll ruin it for everyone."

"No, it'll be interesting," her best friend Leanne, said. I kept my head down and tried to work.

"What are you doing work for?" Paul asked getting out of his seat and walking in front of my desk.

"I dunno," I muttered then shoving my pen down, trying to please him. Paul picked up my pencil case and chucked it to Mitchell.

"I thought gays were in touch with their feminine side?" Mitchell said looking at my blue rough case.

"Can I have that back?" I asked getting up and trying to get it. Mitchell chucked it back to Paul, who then started throwing it around the class.

"Gay Boy! Gay Boy!" the rest of the kids chanted as I chased my pencil case. I collapsed down in my chair and held my head in my hands. The chants started getting worse.

"We don't want you in our school! We don't want you in our school!" they continued. It became too much so I ran. I ran straight out the door into the corridor. The cheer was loud as I slammed the door. I looked around and Phil was crying down the hall. I walked towards him and he looked up as he heard my footsteps.

"Dil? What you doing out here?" Phil asked.

"Was going to ask you the same," Dil said.

"My class, it ain't easy trying to be normal now," Phil explained.

"Same here," I pointed back to my class, "Teachers don't help either."

Phil took a look through the glass in the door and he could still see his class looking and laughing.

"I can't stay here," he said.

"What can we do?" I said, and then I thought of something that had been on my mind a lot.

"I want to leave here, but I don't want to leave you," Phil said. He hesitated about putting his hand on my shoulder, with his class probably being able to see. I took a deep breath.

"We could run for it?" I suggested.

"To where?" he asked confused.

"To the city, the streets would be better than here, plus we would be together," I said. Phil looked puzzled, but then happy with the idea.

"It's a bit sudden though," Phil said.

"I've, well, been thinking about it a lot, but I wouldn't like being away from you," I said ashamed. Phil smiled at me and took my hand.

"Come on, shall we go?" he asked, "To home, then to the city, just the two of us."

I smiled and nodded. We laughed as we headed through the corridor, I couldn't believe we were really going away from here together. And it didn't matter if people saw s together because we'd never see these people again. As we got to the corner we started running freely through the hall, then we both came to a sudden halt.

"Angelica?"


	8. Tuesday afternoon: Phil

"What?" Angelica said surprised, "What's going on?"

"Look Angelica, you've got to let me and Phil pass," Dil said to his cousin.

"Why are you out in the hall?" Angelica asked.

"We had a bit of trouble in our classes," I said, we already knew why Angelica was out here. She had been given hall monitor duty this week.

"I can't let you guys past," Angelica said, "It's my job."

"Look, it's really important," Dil said.

"Where do you need to be?" Angelica asked confused by the whole situation. Dil wasn't sure what to say, he was kind of groaning.

"Look, Angelica, we just…well…we need to leave here, all of this," I said confidently to her. Dil looked at me as if I was crazed for telling her but there was something that made me trust her.

"Leave? As in what? This school, this street?" Angelica asked.

"We mean to the city, just us," I said.

Angelica said nothing, just kind of looked between Dil and I. Dil looked a bit ticked off that I'd told someone already.

"Can you just let us past?" I asked again.

"What…what are you going to do?" Angelica asked quietly.

"We're running away, okay?" Dil said, "We weren't going to say anything to anyone," he said a little angrily, "But we just need your help, please let us go."

After a long pause, she was probably thinking, Angelica let us go.

"Please Angelica, don't tell anyone," I pleaded.

"No, no, of course not," she said in a bit of a daze as we ran past.

"Why did you tell her?" Dil asked as soon as she couldn't hear us.

"I didn't want to go back to class with those people!" I tried to explain.

"She'll tell, won't she tell?" Dil asked as we walked briskly out the school gate and towards our homes.

"No, we can trust her, she wouldn't grass, that isn't like her," I said. As I said it I wasn't sure if I was reassuring him or myself. I wondered myself why I'd told her. I kept saying though, it was the only way out of there.

"Is it safe to go to your house?" I asked as we neared our street. Dil looked at his watch.

"Probably, my mum's still at work and Dad? Dad will probably be in the basement, he won't hear me come in." Dil replied.

"You sure?" I checked and he said he was.

"What about you and your house?" Dil asked.

"Mum will be at the Java Lava by now," I said, then took hold of Dil's wrist getting a look at his watch, "Yeah, my dad will be out at the store…getting food." It made me think of what we were doing. Running away? Just leaving like that. We'll end up being those kids on posters that say 'Have you seen our child' and 'any information please call'. What about Lil? What about the rest of our friends?

"Okay, meet back here in 10 minutes," Dil said and then heading for his house. I walked towards mine not as quickly as Dil. I went in the house knowing this would be the last time I'd be here for a while. The house was empty, as I had thought; just the faces on the walls were watching me.

I didn't really know what to take. Should I take clothes? A sleeping bag? Where would we sleep? Did I need food? Of course I did but what would I carry it in? This was all too fast. It was only a couple of days ago I learnt I had feelings for Dil, now I was running away from everything, but why? Some bullies at school. Maybe there was more to it, maybe Dil's family disapproved of him. Why wouldn't he tell me something like that though?

I found the rucksack in my room and filled it with food and a coat. I picked up all the money out of the small box I'd kept in my bottom draw and put it in my rucksack pocket. It'd only been 5 minutes, what should I do now? I decided to go, Dil might already be outside. I couldn't stand being alone with my mind asking all these questions.

Lucky for me Dil was already outside. He smiled when he saw me come out the door.

"You ready?" he asked quietly when I got close.

"I think so," I said, "Your dad see you?"

"No, like I thought, he was too busy with his machines."

"So, what happens now?" I asked as we walked along the path leading to nowhere in particular.

"The big city I guess," Dil said happily and that was it, we left that small town for a new, very different, life.


	9. Tuesday Evening: Angelica

I sat at my desk in my room, my maths book was open and I'd done the first equation but I couldn't concentrate. How could I with Phil and Dil out there? Plus, by the sounds of it I was the only one to know. Maybe this is a good thing as I could get them back. But that'd probably mean Phil would hate me. Except what if he doesn't want to be out there? Maybe he'd thank me for it.

"If 9 equals 'a' and 16 equals 'b' and 'c' equals the squared root of 'a squared' plus 'b squared,'" I muttered under my breath going over the revision exercise.

Surely being the only one to know about where Phil and Dil are can be of use to me. I could drop Dil in it, but Phil wouldn't forgive me. I looked at the clock, ten past eight. Someone would be noticing something was wrong soon.

Just then the phone rang. I pushed my chair back and listened as my Dad rose from his seat in the living room to answer the call.

"Hello?" I heard dad say from the hall, "Oh, hey Betty." His voice sounded cheery at first. "I haven't seen Phil or Dil today, no."

Then I heard his footsteps move towards the bottom of the stairs.

"Angelica? You seen Dil or Phil today?" Dad asked.

"I saw them at school," I said honestly, "But not since then." It was true I hadn't seen them.

"You know where they would have gone?" he asked.

"No, no…err…what's going on?" I asked, trying to sound as if I didn't already know.

Dad didn't answer, he went back to the phone and told Betty I didn't know where they were either. Seconds later Dad came up to my room and knocked on the half open door.

"Betty says that she hasn't seen Phil since this morning. And that Lil and the others haven't seen them since Phil ran out of a classroom in tears," Dad said sitting on my bed.

"Oh, I…" I began, but then I realised something. This would come back to me anyway, wouldn't it? I was the hall monitor this week; they'll wonder why I didn't see them leave school early. They'll think I know something, or that I wasn't doing my job.

"Angelica? Do you know something?" Dad asked as I glared into space.

"No! No, how could I? I'm not exactly their best mate," I said, and then turned back to my maths book.

"Okay, well if you hear from them please say something. I'm sure they're just out at the shops and forgot to ring home," Dad said getting up and walking towards the door.

I sighed, thinking he'd left. I picked up my pen and tried to answer the sum I'd been doodling over.

"Angelica?" Dad said standing in the doorway.

"Yes Dad?" I said looking around.

"Did you know Phil was gay too?" Dad asked quietly. I looked at him a bit shocked, I deffinatly didn't want to talk about stuff like this with him.

"Yeah, yeah I did, we all know," I said.

"Oh, okay then," he said and left rather suspiciously.

Would Phil and Dil ever come home? I picked up my mobile phone that was on my desk.

'Hey coz, u ok? Just checkin on u. A' I wrote in a text message then sent it to Dil's mobile and waited patiently. Two minutes later my phone vibrated and a text from Dil appeared on the screen.

'We r fine. Plz don't tell ne1 where we r. Thanx coz, D' the message said. It made me smile to know they were okay, but it still made me sick that Phil wasn't here.


	10. Wednesday Morning: Dil

I woke up with an ache in my back and my jacket zip digging into my leg. As I woke I saw a policeman approach us. Phil was still asleep beside me so I pushed him to wake him.

"You kids get up and move on," he said aggressively and then just stood over and watched us as if he'd seen it all before.

"Come on Phil," I said nudging him again as I stood. I picked up my coat that I had put over me while I slept and put it on properly, then picked up the small bag I had used as a pillow and put it over my shoulder. Phil gradually did the same as me. When we both stood up the policeman walked of not saying another word.

"Now what?" Phil asked as he opened his eyes and rubbed them with his hands.

"Breakfast?" I asked opening my bag and taking out a breakfast bar I'd taken from my house the day before.

"We won't be able to eat like this forever, you know," Phil said.

"I no," I replied. We started walking through the city, passing shops that had stuff too expensive for either of us to buy.

"We'll have to beg, won't we," Phil said watching all the people pass by in suits.

"Guess so," I replied.

"This where you expected we'd end up?" Phil asked looking happier.

"Dunno," I shrugged. "Guess we'll just take it as it comes."

"What's the time?" Phil asked, I told him half seven and he sighed.

"What's up?" I asked, as if I didn't already know. He confirmed what I thought,

"Guess I miss my family, they didn't deserve this did they?" Phil said. His might not have, but mine certainly did. I didn't say anything about it after that. We kept walking until we found a bench in the middle of a park we had walked towards.

"Think we should start begging now?" Phil asked and I shrugged.

"Would anyone give us money?" I questioned.

"I bet we just look like kids skipping school," Phil said, saying what I was thinking.

"This don't leave us much to do," I said as Phil reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a coin, which he began flipping.

"How much money did you bring?" Phil asked while he watched his coin dance between his hands.

"Sixteen dollars forty eight cents," I replied. I thought running away could be an option weeks before now so I tried saving up, it hadn't gone too far though, "How about you."

"Nine dollars I think," Phil replied putting his hand in his pocket to check for money, "And a couple of cents."

"Could last us a while," I said.

"Yeah, and we already brought some food," Phil said looking through his stuffed bag.

"So, what do we do for now then?" I asked but Phil was just blank.

"Can't say I feel like going bowling," Phil tried to joke after a while, but we both felt deflated so we just sat on the bench and chatted for a while. Conversation paused again and Phil let out a long sigh.

"You're thinking about home, right?" I asked and Phil sat upright from the bench.

"Would you be angry if I was?" he asked but I shook my head.

"No, it was a bit sudden wasn't it," I said, he agreed but to me this wasn't sudden. I'd been waiting weeks until I had the courage to leave. Now I was away from home _and _with Phil. But I just felt so bad about it.

"Why are we here?" Phil asked sounding more serious than he usually does.

"Because we have no where else to sit?" I said jokily trying to get him to lighten up.

"No, I mean, why all of a sudden did you want to leave?" he asked.

"Well, you know about the bullies," I said.

"There's more isn't there," Phil said. I made a little groan like I didn't want to tell him and I guess he knew there was something else, "Can't you just tell me honestly? I won't care, please, I just need to know."

"It's my parents," I said quickly. Phil said nothing, just looked at me blankly, probably wanting me to explain. "They never approved of me, you know, since I told them."

"I never thought your parents minded," Phil said.

"Oh they do," I said. "Dad says he's failed as a father and mum blames some baby book guy."

"They the reason you wanted to leave then?" Phil asked and I said yeah.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean…" I began.

"Huh, what? Why are you apologising?" Phil asked.

"For not telling you," I said and he realized.

"Well, you don't have to worry now," Phil said happily putting his arm around me, "We're here, together, away from your parents and those school bullies."

"And from now on, we'll tell each other everything, deal?" I asked.

"Deal," Phil said.


	11. Wednesday Afternoon: Suzie

There was a horrible mood at lunch; everyone didn't know quite what to say. I was sitting next to Chuckie with Kimi and Lil opposite us. Lil had her head in her arms crying. She'd just been telling us this was all her fault. Kimi and I tried to comfort her, tried to say it wasn't but Lil's mind was set. Chuckie was being quite, he was never good at comforting people when they were upset. I guess the best thing he could do was to keep quiet.

"Hey" Angelica said as she joined to table, sitting down next to Lil.

"I can't believe I was so mean! I was the one who tried to turn mum and dad against him!" Lil cried.

"It's not your fault, they have bigger problems right now don't you think?" Angelica said. It seemed as if something had just made her tick.

"What do you me other problems?" Kimi asked.

"Err, those guys, the ones _bullying_ them? Has everyone forgot that?" Angelica said.

"Angelica, shut up, this ain't the time," I said.

"I can't believe, Phil would just head off and not tell me, not tell anyone," Lil said.

"I no, but look, Phil and Dil must be with each other, they'll be fine," Kimi said.

"What if someone's kidnapped them?" Chuckie said, I gave him a bad look, telling him to shut up.

"This is Dil's fault, Phil was fine until he started messing with my brother's brain," Lil said, finding someone to blame.

"Hey! This is not my cousin's fault!" Angelica yelled. She sat herself back down after that little uproar. This must have been getting at her too. It was only the other day she told me she liked Phil, now he's run away.

"I wonder where they are, I wonder what trouble they're in, what if they're hurt, oh god I bet there's something wrong right now!" Lil spoke.

"Shut up! Get a grip, they're fine." Angelica yelled, then pushed her tray of food away and got up to leave. I would have let her go right ahead. Only she seemed a bit too certain that her cousin and Phil were okay.

Angelica started walking across the lunchroom when I got up to follow.

"Don't bother, she's got an attitude problem," Kimi said as I pursued her but I ignored it.

"What was that supposed to mean?" I asked when I was close enough to whisper.

"Huh?" Angelica said as she tried to escape.

"How do you know they're fine?" I asked.

"Err…err...I don't I was Lil," Angelica said stumbling over her words.

"You sound too certain, do you know something we don't?" I asked as we entered the corridor outside the lunchroom.

"No," she replied trying to sound like I was wrong, but I understand Angelica and there was something deffinatly up.

"Whatever you know, you've got to tell me!" I yelled.

"No, no way! You just want to know for yourself so you can be the hero and get them to come home. No way!" Angelica yelled back as she stormed off.

"So, you admit you know something then," I said running after her in the almost empty hallway. She seemed to slow down a second, but then took off even faster.

I slowed down until I was standing still I was suddenly smiled. Even if Angelica hadn't told me directly what she knew, I knew she knew something.


	12. Wednesday Evening: Angelica

I knocked on the door but realized it was half open. I pushed it and went inside. Suddenly a large sweaty hand yanked at my wrist and I was flung into a chair in the kitchen. I had just gone round to the Deville house, I was told Lil needed some comforting but no I was face to face with Phil's mum who wasn't looking to happy.

"Whatever it is you know, Angelica, spill it," she said. My eyes wondered to the kitchen doorway where I could see Suzie standing in front of the rest of the gang, she'd obviously said something about lunch.

"I…I don't get what you mean," I said.

"Don't play dumb with me," Betty replied, putting his hands on the table that was behind me, blocking any exits I had.

"Why…what's going on?" I asked.

"Suzie tells me you told her you knew something about my boy disappearing," Betty said.

"How, how could I know anything?" I said trying my best at acting.

"I don't know, I honestly don't know, but Angelica anything you know, you have to tell me," Betty whimpered, her strong appearance seemed to be cracking. It made me feel really guilty, but I'd made a promise that I had to keep.

"I'm sorry, I know nothing," I answered.

"Oh god, Angelica! Whatever it is you know, come on!" Suzie said, stepping out of the doorway.

"Have you tried calling their mobiles? Texting them?" I said, remembering back to the message I was sent.

"Oh course we have! We're not stupid. They wouldn't answer or reply to the texts," Lil said in tears again.

"Well, that must mean they're all right," I said. Everyone just looked at me as if I was nuts though.

"I wish I could just see him, check he's okay, why won't he answer me?" Betty said stepping away from the chair.

"I guarantee they're fine," I persuaded, "you just need to trust me."

"This is what I mean, you _do _know something. You wouldn't keep this calm," Suzie said, "And how are you so sure."

"She doesn't care about Phil, let alone her own cousin," Kimi said, I couldn't believe she said it though. Suzie immediately made eye contact with me and I felt my heart sink a little. I cared a lot more than they thought; only I couldn't say a word of it.

"Look, if I said I had a way of seeing them, checking on them, and I came back and said they were fine, would you guys calm down then," I said, ignoring Kimi's last words and also kind of regretting changing the topic to this.

"You tell me right now where they are," Betty said.

"I don't know! Please, please just let me go, you'll find them soon, surely you will, there are police put there and everything," I said. Betty backed of again and began to cry into her hands.

"I don't know where he is. If he's safe, whether he's been beaten up, mugged, murdered, kidnapped," Betty cried and Lil cried with her.

I just stood; my mouth slightly open thinking about the pair. Cold on the city's streets. I didn't know if they were fine either, not since that last message. I needed to see them too, but I knew exactly where to look.

"Well, I better get off now, still got homework," I said. I was ignored so I just left the house. Moving from the warmth of their house to the bitter cold of the street I felt a tear in the corner of my eye. Their emotion must have been contagious. Or maybe it was a sudden feeling of what Phil was experiencing, he wasn't coming home. Not as far as I knew. If he isn't coming here, I guess I'll have to go there.


	13. Thursday Morning: Phil

As I woke I opened my eyes, the sunlight seeped in and I could tell it must have been late morning. The grass in the park I'd been sleeping on was dry but I felt wet, it must have rained overnight. A head blocked the sun from directly hitting my eyes. The shadow cast over her face stopped me from telling who she was at first. But it was a girl.

My eyes shifted to Dil, who slept next to me, and back to the girl. My eyes began to focus and I could see who she was. The blonde hair was what reminded me, and then I could make out her facial features, her eyes staring down at me.

I stood up, some of my weight budged into Dil but he didn't wake.

"Phil! Are you okay?" Angelica asked putting both her hands on my upper arms.

"I'm fine, we're fine," I said still shocked, "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see if you were alright, everyone's worried," she said holding me still although I was still shaking.

"Dil sent you a text didn't he? We're fine," I repeated.

"The text was 2 days ago, anything could have happened!" she said.

"Are you going to come check on us every other day?" I asked. I know I sounded ungrateful. Why would I be grateful? We came here to get away from people we knew. But she seemed upset by the way I spoke to her.

"No, I…I was really worried, and being the only one to know where you guys are." she began, "You can't stay living out here!" she blurted out to me.

I quickly looked down at Dil, who just rolled over on the grass by the pavement.

"You can't seriously stay away from home, you're family are going mad!" Angelica spoke more quietly. "You don't want to be out here, Dil's dragged you away from everyone and everything you love."

"I can't go home, I can't leave Dil," I said angrily wriggling my arms out of her hands.

Just then Dil awoke, "What? Angelica?" he said as he noticed her standing by me.

"Hey Dil," Angelica said stepping aside and bending down nearer her cousin, "I came to check you guys were okay."

"How'd you find us?" Dil said rubbing his head and trying to stand up.

"I've just been looking around the city, this park was one of the first places I checked," she said in a nicer tone than how he'd just spoken to me.

Dil rolled over and tried to get up. As he stood his legs seemed to still be asleep and he collapsed onto the bench we'd been sleeping next to.

"We were that easy to find?" Dil asked.

"Only because I knew you were in the city," she said.

"You're spying aren't you, you're going to go back and tell everyone," I said angrily.

"No, no it's nothing like that. The others were worrying me, telling that you could be kidnapped or murdered," Angelica said standing up straight again.

"You got money?" Dil asked rubbing his eyes again.

"Yes, why?" Angelica asked stupidly.

"So we can get a meal of course," I moaned.

"Phil? Why are you being like this to me?" I asked. I didn't reply, why should I? I knew why I was like this. She'd woken me up from the best night sleep I'd had since being out here and was no pestering me to come home and upset Dil.

"Come on Angelica, we're going to the café," Dil said getting up and walking beside me.

We walked through the café door and saw the dirty looks coming at us from the staff. Yeah, like their jobs were any better. Angelica spoke for all of us and bought us each a sandwich.

"This is great!" Dil said taking a huge bite once we were sat down.

"Glad I can make you happy," Angelica said.

"I'm not happy that you're here," Dil said sounding quite nasty, "I'm glad your money's here!" I was suddenly getting a guilty feeling. My morning grumpiness as wearing off and I could see how rude we were being to Angelica; she'd come to help us after all.

" Err…How's yours?" I asked, trying my best to sound friendly towards her.

"Good," she smiled. We sat in silence after that, loudly munching on the free food.

Dil finished his sandwich first and got up.

"Where you going?" Angelica said anxiously.

"The toilet, that okay?" Dil asked.

"Erm…yes…sorry," she said. Angelica looked back at me when Dil had gone into the bathrooms and I smiled back.

"I don't want to be persistent," Angelica said (unusual word for her) "But why did you come here, why did you let Dil take you away like this?"

"Because I want him to be happy," I said truthfully, "I know that what he wants is for me to be with him and to be away from his parents."

"But you don't love him," she said. I went to deny it immediately, but the words couldn't come out. "I'm right aren't I?"

"No, well, I dunno," I said getting angry again.

"You just drop everything because someone says they love you?" Angelica said louder, "What if it was someone else? Why should you give up your happiness for him?"

"Why are you talking like this, why does this matter to you? Since when do you care what me and your cousin are up to?" I asked also getting louder.

"Since my cousin and I fell in love with the same person," she whispered, I didn't understand what she meant and I was too confused to control myself. She put her hands behind my head, pulled me forward and kissed me. I was too stunned to stop it. As it happened I heard a door in the café swing open and when Angelica let me go I saw Dil watching from the corner of the room.

"I…I didn't," I whimpered, barely hearing myself say it. I watched the anger grow in Dil's face. It seemed to boil and intensify until he burst and stormed away.

"Oh no, Dil, I didn't mean to," Angelica said, I felt sorry for him, I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for myself, as I didn't know what I was feeling. I grabbed both our bags and ran after him.


	14. Thursday Afternoon: Dil

I ran through the busy street, passing and bumping into people as I did my best to get away, again. I could hear his muffled cries through the crowd. He called my name loudly and people were looking but I did my best at ignoring them, all of them.

Why was I such a loser? I thought I finally had something, someone, but really it was all a game, all an imagination.

He never liked me as I liked him, why did I bother? Because for those few days he was mine.

"Dil! Dil wait up!" he cried through the crowd.

I carried on running and didn't look back.

"Dil! It wasn't what you think!" he cried. Wasn't what I think? He told me before, years ago now it seems, about his crush on my cousin. Every time he spoke about it it broke my heart. But I put on a smile for him, I was keeping him happy. Now he tries to tell me it wasn't what I think?

I knew I couldn't run forever. I'd past the park where we'd slept the night before; I needed somewhere to stop though, somewhere alone. I didn't want people to see me, glaring at the crying gay boy.

I'd been running faster that I thought and I knew I was going to stop soon. As I past the book shop and the card shop I turned and collapsed in the narrow alleyway. I cried. Wept into my arms like I used to do every night. I kept myself a little way away from the main pavement; all the passers-bys couldn't see me. Then the sun that beamed down on top of me went dark, I knew he was here.

I didn't look up; I couldn't bring myself to look at him. He said nothing, just walked towards me, bent down and put his arms around me. I wanted him to be here forever, but then I remembered what he'd done and shook him away.

"Believe me, it wasn't how it looked," he said.

"You expect me to believe you now? After you used to pour you heart out to me, about your undying love for her?" I said furiously.

"That…that's all past me now, and over exaggerated, I want to be here with you," he said.

"No you don't, I brought you here, I brought you here so I could get away from my family." I said.

"I wanted you to be happy," he said.

"I'm happy _now? _Now I know you used me, never loved me, this was all a joke!" I yelled.

"No!" he cried.

I slumped back and rested against the wall.

"I think you should go home," I said, I didn't want to say it, but it was what I thought.

"Why, I need to be here with you," he replied.

"So you can feel good about yourself? You should go, have your life with Angelica like it was meant to be, I'm just a small blip in your journey."

"I can't leave you here," he said then this immediate chuckle came out.

"You want to go then?" I said wiping away the tears. "Then go, I'll be fine, I promise."

He didn't go right away. He sat opposite me with his head in his hands, probably thinking things over. I didn't want to say anything.

"I have been," he paused, looking for the right word, "regretting coming here with you."

I looked at him through the tears, I knew it was true but did he have to say it?

"All I really wanted is for you to be happy, but… out here? We'd be best at home with our family and friends, coming here, well, was spur of the moment." He said.

"Not for me, I've thought about this for years," I barely replied.

"Are you going to come home with me?" he asked standing up.

"You're really going?" I whispered, unsure if I wanted him to hear me.

"Yes, It's…for the best," he said.

"I'm staying, I'm staying where I belong, on my own," I snarled.

"I still love you though," he said, taking me by surprise. "Even when I'm with Angelica I'll think of you."

"You'll be with Angelica?" I asked, confused with all he said.

"I dunno, I… I think I still like her too," he murmured. I said nothing, just wondered who he really liked better. It had to be her; he was leaving me to be with her.

"I'm not leaving _because_ she's here," he said, as if he'd read my thoughts, "It's just, back there is home, it still won't be the same without you."

"I don't care," I said as I rocked myself in the alleyway. I cared so much but I couldn't say it. I knew this would happen, why didn't I just keep my mouth shut.


	15. Thursday Evening: Phil

"I care," I responded, "But I don't know what I'm thinking, I don't know what to do, I can't live in a park or on a street all my life."

He said nothing more, just rocked backwards and forwards letting his tears run onto his arms. I bent down again and kissed his forehead.

"I'll see you soon," I said before standing back upright. I didn't want to leave him like this, but what else could I do?

'Sometimes a bad thing is a blessing in disguise.'

I thought back to what had happened earlier between Angelica and I. This whole week, all I thought about was Dil, but was he thinking about me? I was here for him, this whole time, but it's been killing me. Doesn't he see that?

I left the alley wiping the droplets of tears that had just fallen from my eyes. As I walked towards the Café I saw Angelica coming towards me.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I'm…I'm coming home with you," I said still unsure if it was the right thing. A small smile glimmered across her face.

"It's where you belong," she said sympathetically.

I felt like falling and crying but with these people around, and Angelica with me, I had to be strong.

"Where's my cousin?" she asked.

"He's in the alley, but I really don't think you should see him," I said. She nodded understandingly.

"Come on, it's time to go," she said putting her arm around me and leading me away from this hectic city.

The walk home was an uncomfortable one for me. I didn't know what I should say. I kept thinking about the people I was about to see again. Thoughts of seeing Mum, Dad and Lil delighted me but remembering the bullies that had forced me to leave in the first place continued to whirl around me head.

Reaching the old town the first place we went was the Java Lava, Mum would be working and it was a sure guess that the gang would be in there.

Angelica pushed the door open and lead me in. I was right as the whole gang spotted me.

"Phil!" Lil jumped from her seat and hugged me.

"I'm home now, I'm home," I told her. Mum hugged me while Lil was still attached.

"You're safe, thank God you're safe!" she said. They backed off and asked the obvious questions. 'Where you been', 'what happened', 'Are you hurt' and 'Where's Dil'. I explained everything to the gang as they watched me intensely.

I finally got to talk about Dil when my throat dried up. It was unbelievably hard not to get too emotional. The others didn't seem to mind. Angelica had her arm around me in my seat and comforted me. It seemed that her and me didn't seem such a big shock to the gang. It all made me wonder what had happened while we were gone.

"I'm just glad you're home and well son," my mum said when I said I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Everyone didn't know what to talk about afterwards; there was a long silence with only the sound of slurps from fizzy drinks and other customer's conversations that could be heard.

"What was everyone talking about before I came in?" I asked, trying to strike up conversation.

"Oh, just about what happened on 'Johan Beach' last night," Suzie said and everyone began to chat again. I sat back and heard, but didn't listen.

I was home; I was back with my family and friends. I still had my education and a future. And I was with Angelica. I turned and looked back at the door I just came through.

So why was something still missing?

The End (For Now)

A/N: Sorry it's a short ending. I'll make a sequel that carries on about 6 months after this. I would have added it onto this but I'd rather not do it in everyone's POVs. I'll try to start writing it as soon as possible. :-)


End file.
